So, Friday involved drinking.
Too much. It was one of those things where the waiters top you off while you chat and get boisterous. So, no, I did not have a handle on how much I was drinking. It was all lots of fun, until it suddenly wasn’t.
And so I have spent the last 2 days feeling very sorry for myself and regretting everything I’ve ever said or done.
I have felt like making this decision before, but never quite have. But here goes.
I’m going to quit.
Don’t get me wrong. I love a glass of wine or a gin on ice to relax in the evening. I love a couple of cocktails with friends at a celebration. But anymore than that and it’s just not nice. The problem is – when I drink when I’m out, it’s so hard to find that line.
Afterwards I’m left feeling upset and disappointed in myself and feeling washed out.
But it’s no good saying “I only drink alone” because it leaves me on a slippery slope and gives me too much wriggle room when I want to misbehave. It’s no good saying “I’m going to not drink for a while” because its just going to create a magical blow-out date in my mind.
So that’s it. I quit.
I don’t know why this feels like such a dramatic decision. Maybe because people all see drinking as a natural part of socialising. Maybe because alcoholism is a disease, so admitting you can’t hold your liquor feels like weakness.
I dunno why I feel bad about it. But I do I am about to feel a lot healthier and more in control.