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It’s time 

I’ve been on a massive emotional journey for some time now. Lots of difficult things have happened to me and I’ve not always reacted well. 

I’ve felt unmotivated. Or imotivatedion fits and starts, signing on for the wrong reasons. Dropping off for differently wrong reasons. 

A few times over these 2, almost 3 years, I have prematurely declared that the tunnel was ending only to have it twist away from the light again and again. 

Today though, it is over. 

I’ve taken myself far enough from the terrible places. I’ve broken contact with not only the terrible people but with everyone else around them. 

I’m insulated. 

Today I declare that I can breathe again. I can live again. I can run again.

Because when I run, I choke on all that sadness and fear and hatred and impotence until I can’t breathe. I run wheezing at top volume,  struggling not to be overwhelmed by it. 

This morning is the first day in ages without a moment of fear or hate. Not an easy thing to admit. 

However I am glad to feel it’s lifting. 

Today I’m going to declare it over. For good. No looking back, no regrets, for vengeance fantasies.

No excuses. 

Next stop: reclaim my arms

Visual proof

Here is a quick visual showing how I got thinner, faster and stronger over 12 months.

Its not impossible. You just need to know how calories work. And to start running. And stop stress-eating. And dedicate yourself. And BE AWESOME.

An end to my transformation

I’ve come to the end of my 12wbt ‘journey’. All this year, I have been living life according to Michelle Bridges. I must say, I truly and wholeheartedly recommend the program to anyone, of any fitness level, to help you achieve your goals. For a mere $200, I received 12 weeks of meal plans, calorie-controlled recipes, video guidance, and of course an awesome exercise plan.

But now its time to graduate and take off the training wheels. I think I am ready.

This last few weeks, I have barely needed to get out my exercise program because I have been busy exercising in other ways and with new friends.

I have some fitness goals, that while not exactly clear, still burn within me. I want to increase my chin-ups, hold onto my ‘Linda Hamilton arms’, run 5 minute kms and run a marathon next year. Or maybe just a half or 2… my partner is slightly worried by the intensity of marathon training.

I am going steady on my lower-calorie / smaller-portion main meals. Most days, I pack a lunch to take to work – a skill I NEVER believed I could master. Though lately, I have been stress-snacking at work, which is a bad idea! At least I am mostly munching down corn thins and Ryvitas, but still…time to break out the herbal teas and maybe even get back onto My Fitness Pal.

One last word of praise for the 12wbt is that I loved how holistic the program is – especially for runners. Most marathon programs say “run / rest / run / rest” but the 12wbt actually gives you alternative exercise programs for those ‘rest’ days. At least one day per week is devoted to stretching / core, and one day of strength for the non-leg parts of your body. Needless to say, I am hanging on to my printed-out programs for those days I am stuck for a plan.

So, graduation.

Does this mean I am finished ‘transforming’?

I transformed myself from an unhappy fat woman into a dedicated runner with Linda Hamilton arms and a desperate addiction to YouTube makeup tutorials within 12 months.  Am I done now?

This really is the hard part. Its easy to turn on that intensity of focus for a short time. Its easy to be ruthless with yourself when you see results every single week. But right now, I am sort of coasting.

Am I happy with who I am now?

Trick question! I am the same person, but with different habits and a different focus. I am excited to see what happens next.

So no, I don’t think that I am done transforming. I feel another wave of awesome adventure coming on soon, but I don’t quite know what direction that will take me in just yet.

Happy Runaversary to me!

Way back in late September last year, I took myself out of the office for a lunchtime walk. It was hot. I was frustrated with lots of things in my life. In fact, I had been frustrated for some time. Some areas of my life had responded to hard work, others favoured me with luck, but there were those stubborn bits and pieces i just couldn’t seem to influence. Even though I had tried to lose weight, I had tried to make things go smoothly at work, I had tried to be fitter, I never succeeded. I had been logging my meals on MyFitnessPal for 6 months, but the weight went down and then straight back up again.

Frustrated with myself, I broke into an angry run.

It was a hot and sweaty day, I remember that much. I raged internally as I jiggled and sweated and forced myself to run up some steps. And then down, and back up again.

Afterwards I felt much, much better.

Talking to my sister about the experience, she suggested I download a “Couch to 5k” app and see where it took me.

C25K

5 October 2012 – the first day I didn’t die running

3 times a week most weeks, I jiggled across the Botanical Gardens. When I missed one, I just made it up later. I developed a relationship with “couch to 5k lady”. When she said run, I obeyed without question. When she said walk, I cried with joy because she had taken pity on me. I can’t say I still miss her, but she was the one who got me started.

Thank you C25K lady!

Exactly 1 year later and about 25kg lighter, thinking about where running has taken me. It has taken me …

  • to Lorna Jane
  • to develop a boxing class addiction
  • to a half marathon and collect a closet full of event tshirts
  • to a social running club
  • to unite with bloggers all over the world (and even in Tasmania)
  • to explore barefoot running
  • to night running, and running at night, and running in the dark
  • to a place where I no longer feel sorry for the person on the treadmill behind me
  • to a happier place, where cake is full of rainbows and not frustration.

I’m so glad you’re here too.

Oh My Quads!

Yesterday was a BIIIIIIG day.

My sister and I started off with a trip to our favourite hairdresser. Then off to a cafe early lunch at 11am before joining a bootcamp run by visiting fitness goddess Krissy Mae Cagney of Rise Above Fitness in LA.

We rock up exactly on time and see warm up has just started. There are roughly 40 people, most of them hefty, tattooed blokes. You know the kind – alternative dudes, piercings and tattoos all over. There were about 5 women that I could see. Sis and I were all done up – nice hair, makeup, expensive Lorna Jane clothes and an animal print handbag. Feeling a little out of place, I skipped up to the organisers and asked “Hi, can we join in?” Jared responded “Sure but if you start you gotta go the distance”.

Reflecting on this a little later, we decided that perhaps we came off a little Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. “Hi! We invented Post-Its. Can we join your bootcamp??” Someone actually asked us if we meant to come or just happened to be walking by. So funny!

We were split up into 8 teams of 5 and were given a task to do on each of 10-ish stations – Burpees, chin ups, 1km run, tire flips, rope lifting, box jumps, v-ups, pushups, kettle bell swings, goblet squats, and sitting around feeling awesome.  Each team had to complete 250 reps on each station. This was cool because it meant we had 50 reps each, but could help with one anothers’ weaknesses.

For instance, I found the box jump station to be a bit high for me, so Very Tall Tim was able to put in another 20 to help me out the team. Very Muscled Mike “doesn’t do cardio” so found the burpees and kettle bell swings challenging – so we helped him get the last few done. But he was a champ on the goblet squats and chin ups.

I had so much fun. This was a great way to do something a bit different and meet some new people. Very Tall Tim is also doing the City2Surf and optimistically said “see you there!” – we told him to look out for us crawling over the finish line while he is sipping his 3rd beer.

Our Team

Our Team with Krissy Mae

Afterwards, sis and I went shopping at Target and then finished the day with a half marathon at the Bay Run. But that is another story.

OH…MY…QUADS

Don’t mean to brag, but we are freaking awesome.