Tag Archives: Mind-set

I just can’t get it happening

Meh. Meh.

I’ve been for a few runs, and most of my exercise sessions these last few weeks. Yet I can’t quite muster the enthusiasm that it take to actually … go … running.

I’ve had a few difficult days lately. Some bad news, some hard conversations and a friend leaving us for good. It seems that the awesome days are spreading thin.

I keep reminding myself that awesome is the feeling you get after you struggle. It is transient, intangible and volatile. You can’t store it for later and though sometimes in abundance, it can evaporate instantly.

I keep thinking “oh I will just go for a 2 hour run” and then kind of squirm out of it. I’ve gotten into an all or nothing mind set.

So I’m just chilling out. Waiting for the mojo to slowly return.

I am looking forward to the Glow Worm this Friday. I’m disappointed that I won’t be able to give it an all-out jack rabbit go. I’m going to have to go out with the goal of finishing alive and enjoying scenery.

I remind myself of the mantra that Unsporty gave me – “running if fun running is fun”. If it’s not fun, don’t force it.

Meanwhile I’ve been guzzling chocolate like it’s no tomorrow. Chocolate is fun! Maybe a little too fun for times when running isn’t currently fun.

Advertisements

Yarrrrrgh! Recovery is SO HARD

Recovering from a half marathon plus being generally stressed out at work means I haven’t run much over the previous week. I’ve been fantasising all week long about spending an evening with a Valium and a bucket of ice cream.

Yesterday I took took it easy – staying at home with the kids to play Dr Who versus the dinosaurs. But my mood and stress kept getting the better of me. It took some very focused stretching and breathing to banish those demons for even a few moments.

Idyllic moments despite renovation blues

Idyllic moments despite renovation blues

Today at work, I felt a fair bit better. I had even arranged a lunchtime massage coz my massage guy is going overseas for a month! He tenderised my quads and glutes enough to last till he gets back. Ouch!

But I have really been struggling with the emotional eating lately. I’m not even hungry. I just WANT FOOOOOOOOOD.

I even had a muffin for afternoon snack today.

FOOOOOOOOOD.

Time to go to the fridge …

…for a look at my AMR magnet…

…”DON’T THINK JUST GO”.

Running on the edge of de Nile

Its fair to say there has been a lot in my head lately.

And in my body too.

I have come to realise that I have been in denial about 2 injures that I have carried around for a couple of months now. Running has been just “less fun” and much much less inviting lately. I have some torn kind of thing inside my pelvic bowl, which sounds as fun as it feels. Also, there is something (maybe a building disc?) causing some sciatica – tingling and pain down my leg. Both on the same side. So while I want to think “12k run, hell yeah!” I’m more likely to think “yeah I could do that… but I think its gonna rain later…and aw…I also think I’ve got a headache coming on…and maybe I should wash my hair”.

I’ve also been heavily in denial about my eating, which has gone from “pretty super saintly” to “umm, are you gonna eat that butter?” Throw into the mix some upsets, a little trip to hospital, Christmas, work stress, a little trip to a 5 start hotel for work, and a kid’s birthday, and my diet is pretty well wrecked. Along with my attitude to food, which is now best characterised by the phrase “EEEEEEEEEAAAAT IIIIIIT”. All that would be fine, except I’m hardly running as much as I was when eating like a saint, and not half enough to offset the chocolate cake!

Meet my tummy

Cake

C’est la vie! Life goes on, and we go with it. Rolling with the waves, holding on and hoping to eat cake another day.

I’ve got a little tummy now. And a little roundness to the thighs and face. That’s ok with me, though I am sort of scared that I’ve just pushed off a giant super slippery slide straight into mega-fat-and-unfitsville. I’m sure that really is just anxiety, because while I feel like the slackest person around, I’m not. I still exercise several times a week, just not the 6-8 sessions I was doing.

Running I have been doing…

My running has been limited too. An 8km run isn’t a ‘little run’ anymore, and I find myself making excuses not to just get out there to pound pavement. On the flip side, I am doing my intervals and tempos on the treadmill, making fantastic pace! I’m down to consistent 5:10 min per km. On the treadmill, so it doesn’t quite count, but I’m taking it anyway!

Today I did the beautiful Manly Dam trail run again. Talking to another woman before the race, I found out that the previous one wasn’t actually 7km as advertised, but over 8km. Today I checked my iPhone afterwards and yep – 8km.

As I was alone on this one, I decided to give it a real go instead of taking it easy and hanging back and chatting. I was pleased to be able to run past a bunch of people. Although, I started in the last wave, so it wasn’t hard to find someone to overtake! People were all very gracious about it – and I in turn was gracious when we met up with the faster runners who overtook me despite being on their 2nd loop.

I met a few lovely people, including the woman I helped out last time when she fell over. It was nice to see her back at it. And also, I saw a possum at the starting line. It looked terrified. Clearly there was too much lycra about

 

Quick Edit – my results from the run:

Time: 1:02:04. Out of a field of 55 women, I finished 15th. Overall I finished 38th. Of women in their 30’s, I finished 7th (and even finished ahead of some women in their teens and 20’s – take THAT, youth! We won’t talk about the women in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s who totally whupped me). Scrolling through the results, I notice a male/female couple in their 50’s who crossed within 1 second of each other after the 20km race. Awwwwww!

 

Nibble monster

I’ve been such a nibble monster lately. Last night I just said to myself “stop” and I feel a lot more in control right now. I suspect this might be a recurring struggle that needs to play out a few more times before I really get it.

An end to my transformation

I’ve come to the end of my 12wbt ‘journey’. All this year, I have been living life according to Michelle Bridges. I must say, I truly and wholeheartedly recommend the program to anyone, of any fitness level, to help you achieve your goals. For a mere $200, I received 12 weeks of meal plans, calorie-controlled recipes, video guidance, and of course an awesome exercise plan.

But now its time to graduate and take off the training wheels. I think I am ready.

This last few weeks, I have barely needed to get out my exercise program because I have been busy exercising in other ways and with new friends.

I have some fitness goals, that while not exactly clear, still burn within me. I want to increase my chin-ups, hold onto my ‘Linda Hamilton arms’, run 5 minute kms and run a marathon next year. Or maybe just a half or 2… my partner is slightly worried by the intensity of marathon training.

I am going steady on my lower-calorie / smaller-portion main meals. Most days, I pack a lunch to take to work – a skill I NEVER believed I could master. Though lately, I have been stress-snacking at work, which is a bad idea! At least I am mostly munching down corn thins and Ryvitas, but still…time to break out the herbal teas and maybe even get back onto My Fitness Pal.

One last word of praise for the 12wbt is that I loved how holistic the program is – especially for runners. Most marathon programs say “run / rest / run / rest” but the 12wbt actually gives you alternative exercise programs for those ‘rest’ days. At least one day per week is devoted to stretching / core, and one day of strength for the non-leg parts of your body. Needless to say, I am hanging on to my printed-out programs for those days I am stuck for a plan.

So, graduation.

Does this mean I am finished ‘transforming’?

I transformed myself from an unhappy fat woman into a dedicated runner with Linda Hamilton arms and a desperate addiction to YouTube makeup tutorials within 12 months.  Am I done now?

This really is the hard part. Its easy to turn on that intensity of focus for a short time. Its easy to be ruthless with yourself when you see results every single week. But right now, I am sort of coasting.

Am I happy with who I am now?

Trick question! I am the same person, but with different habits and a different focus. I am excited to see what happens next.

So no, I don’t think that I am done transforming. I feel another wave of awesome adventure coming on soon, but I don’t quite know what direction that will take me in just yet.

Happy Runaversary to me!

Way back in late September last year, I took myself out of the office for a lunchtime walk. It was hot. I was frustrated with lots of things in my life. In fact, I had been frustrated for some time. Some areas of my life had responded to hard work, others favoured me with luck, but there were those stubborn bits and pieces i just couldn’t seem to influence. Even though I had tried to lose weight, I had tried to make things go smoothly at work, I had tried to be fitter, I never succeeded. I had been logging my meals on MyFitnessPal for 6 months, but the weight went down and then straight back up again.

Frustrated with myself, I broke into an angry run.

It was a hot and sweaty day, I remember that much. I raged internally as I jiggled and sweated and forced myself to run up some steps. And then down, and back up again.

Afterwards I felt much, much better.

Talking to my sister about the experience, she suggested I download a “Couch to 5k” app and see where it took me.

C25K

5 October 2012 – the first day I didn’t die running

3 times a week most weeks, I jiggled across the Botanical Gardens. When I missed one, I just made it up later. I developed a relationship with “couch to 5k lady”. When she said run, I obeyed without question. When she said walk, I cried with joy because she had taken pity on me. I can’t say I still miss her, but she was the one who got me started.

Thank you C25K lady!

Exactly 1 year later and about 25kg lighter, thinking about where running has taken me. It has taken me …

  • to Lorna Jane
  • to develop a boxing class addiction
  • to a half marathon and collect a closet full of event tshirts
  • to a social running club
  • to unite with bloggers all over the world (and even in Tasmania)
  • to explore barefoot running
  • to night running, and running at night, and running in the dark
  • to a place where I no longer feel sorry for the person on the treadmill behind me
  • to a happier place, where cake is full of rainbows and not frustration.

I’m so glad you’re here too.

Flabby

I’ve been running less, I’ve been eating more. I’m far from fat or unfit, but have started feeling lazy and flabby.

Bleagh.

But I am enjoying my little holiday. I’ve started to get the itch. The “when am I going to run a marathon” itch.

I’m starting to start to make my plans. I’m excited.

I
AM
GOING
TO
RUN
A
MARATHON